A lot of Change is Heavy

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I thought about things today, and I came to the conclusion that I completely accept Kat being away with her relatives. At first I thought she shouldn't go if I wasn't but I realize that 1) Family is important and 2) Time away from love ones makes seeing them again all the more better =).

On to other things, as an update about my life, I have finally found a new job. I used to work as a porter for enterprise and that shit sucked,I wouldn't even feel like getting out of bed for that crap-happy job. Things have changed now, I have found a better job paying almost 50% more money and now I can finally start saving up for the engagement ring. Also the job includes computers and I love computers. So overall things are going great, but I miss my baby.

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Family Vacation

This years vacation has gotten off to a very interesting start. When I was waken up in the morning to go to oklahoma, my mother noticed my promise ring, which I have had for two months. How this got my my parents til now, I don't know. Now a day later, she decides to ask me about the ring and I inform her. Of course my response is a little rude, but what else do I expect. Now I am just waiting on my dad to have some smart remark about mine and Ikes relationship. Well I am typing this while anyone can step up behind me and see so I'll end this short. I like to keep this info within a small cirlce of people for the time being. Or at least the harsh realities of what I feel about my parents, seeing how they can walk up to me at anytime right now. I also should get back to my family, so here is where we part.

The Half of You

I've come to find that having a loved one in your life and having to leave them for periods of time that are undetermined can be very nerve racking. Today Ike got to discover that I am a little crazy when it comes to stress added onto not having him here to hold me. A couple days ago I mentioned to him that when not being around the person you love can create this hole inside you. There becomes a part of you that is missing. I think for me it is my motivation. Ike is my motivation in every aspect of my life, from friends and family to our own relationship. I've comes to realize that I am a weak minded person and that I am going to have to work on that if I am going to last until I see him the next time and the time after that. We've kinda had it easy this semester since I've been home every two weeks or him up here if not even more than that. So next semester will be an adventure. I will definitely try to start looking at things in a positive angle that I will see him again and that I can always call him if I need him. Instead of always looking at it as I don't have him here and I wish I could see him, I'll find something to occupy my mind and know that I will see him as soon as possible. I think anyone who has this same problem can learn something from my crazyness. It also doesn't help that I have finals right now and I am stressed to all hell, but no excuses. I have to learn to live with it at some point, might as well start now. So as far as the half of me that was missing, I've mended that hole as well as possible until the next time I see him which is in another week. I wholey look forward to that. Just so he knows, Ike, you are my other half, my everything.

Warning!: Race Sensitive People Should Not Read

If you are a Non-Black race and want to use the word Nigger (Nigga) then please read.

:: Rules For Racial Slurs::
1) If you don't use it in normal conversation, you shouldn't use it.
2)If you feel awkward saying it outloud in front of a black person, You shouldn't use it.
3)No body should use them, they are inherently disrespectful. (Either to yourself or others)

This should help anyone to naive to realize what they are doing or trying to do. Your Welcome. Also I would like to add that the ability to call someone a nigga doesn't denote a deeper level of friendship, it just means they are tolerating it (for how long who knows). Remember people "Only you can prevent Racism."

You can be as Loud as the Hell You want!!

/BEGIN rant

Ya know I'm sick of this, I mean her parents are the most stressful aspect of our relationship. They accuse me indirectly of corrupting their daughter in school, religion, and now morality. How much can you take before you decide to curse the muthafuckas out. The killer part of it all is their decent to me but then they give kat all this shit and it pisses me off that she even needs to communicate with them. I should, no I Need to handle my business, be a man and tell them to fock off and I'll just take care of her so they can have all thier opinions and shove it. I will, I will make them regret every comment they have ever made to her to make her upset or cry, I will torture their minds in so many countless ways that by the time I'm threw with them they will ask for hospice. But I'm getting ahead of myself, thats for later, for now I'll give her all my love and support and hope that shes not permanently attached to their fucked up mind games they play on her. That brings me to another thing, they always want thier way, they tell her she is responsible and can make the right(the one they want) descision then when she doesnt , here comes the mind games. I hate them now, and only because of the shit they put my baby threw

/END rant

Do You Got It Bad?

Well its been a while and I can safely say the finals have been hard and crazy for me and Kat. To sum things up I guess the words Terrible lonely Depression would qualify, with Kat gone for school its hell =(. She was here last weekend and now she's gone, I really cant stand it. I hate that I care so much for her then I cant even touch her, its like going to the candy store broke, all it does is annoy. Well I guess we have to get things done so it makes sense for us to get back into the groove of things but I find it increasing hard to be away form her. I told one of my co-workers that I think I am "whipped" and he laughed but I'm serious. I don't want to rant on how much I miss her because that's boring, what I will do is say that I look forward to when I can see her again. For anyone who doesn't know whether or not their in love with someone I suggest the following simple question:

"How do you feel when that person isn't around?"

Well you can probably guess my answer but this question makes sense try it out if you can live without your significant other then maybe they aren't.

Don't drink the water

I say drink the water. I use this in reference to my parents who go to the well but don't drink the water. This means they get into my business and say they want to be a part of my life and know whats going on but when I tell them what they say they want to hear, they can't handle it. I know every person has this coming from somebody in their life but my parents seem to put the iceing on the cake with this. I've told them several things about my(kat) relationship with Ike but as soon as they hear it they blow up in my face. This seems to be they way they think I'll change. They think, oh let's tell her we really care and trust her because we think she is rebelling, when in fact this is a serious relationship, and maybe I'll leave Ike or not do what I want. Well this will never happen! I'll do what I want with respect towards their opinion but I can't change what I believe for them. I am my own person. I hope Ike know this and I will drink the water.